Break the Silence

“One in three women may suffer from abuse and violence in her lifetime. This is an appalling human rights violation, yet it remains one of the invisible and under-recognised pandemics of our time. Violence against women is an appalling human rights violation. But it is not inevitable. We can put a stop to this.” –Nicole Kidman

Last Monday my family and I attended ‘The International Youth Conference against the Contagion of Violence’ hosted by CADVA. The forum, organised by two overseas Guyanese women, set me thinking about a host of things, particularly domestic violence.
The initiative pretty much confirmed much of what every Guyanese is aware of – husbands abuse their wives, regularly and persistently. How can anyone be unaware of domestic violence when practically every week there are glaring headlines about husbands beating and even killing their wives?
One of the questions raised at the forum – by a male and interestingly a female – is why all of the focus is on men abusing women, instead of the converse. As the panellists, so rightly said, since the evidence shows women are overwhelmingly the victims, obviously the focus will be on them. Let’s face it, while the Belna may be a very tempting weapon, how many women actually use it against their husbands? But somehow, it’s a question raised every time by defensive males.
Now this is not to say that females may not have a role in the violence – but that is a different question.
It was tremendously touching that the organisers dedicated the conference in memory of the late Neesa Gopaul, who was my classmate in grade six, reminding everyone that Neesa will never be forgotten.
And what was truly amazing to see was the number of young people – very young people – involved in the entire process. Now that attention has been brought to these issues, one can only hope that Guyanese youths could take more initiatives against domestic violence without prodding from overseas Guyanese.
Because domestic violence is truly a major issue – for every one case being reported in the press, there are probably five more women and children being brutalised by their husbands and fathers. And while there are the obvious physical wounds, the more damaging effects are the ones on the mind.
You can imagine that a young girl growing up in an abusive home won’t exactly be leaping at the idea of marriage – what if she ends up with a monster who beats her and her children? And seeing as the father is the most influential figure in a boy’s life – how many times haven’t you heard, ‘I wanna be just like Dad when I grow up!’ – the boy will believe that abusing females is the right thing to do.
The mother’s behaviour also affects her children. If the mother is submissive and allows her husband to beat her, allows her husband to curse her, her daughter will believe that she should also be submissive when she grows up. Her son will be left with the idea that all women are weak and submissive and he’ll have no qualms about treating women like dogs when he grows up.
But if women stand up, and speak out, their daughters will have better role models and their sons will have a stronger view of women. Women, however, also have a responsibility to fulfil their roles as mother and wife if they expect their partners to be good fathers and husbands.
Not so incidentally, with so many homes plagued by domestic violence, it’s no wonder the pass rate at CSEC was so abysmal. How is a child supposed to study when over in the next room their parents are arguing and hitting each other viciously? Combine their unstable home environment with teachers not completing the syllabi in many schools, and that’s certainly a recipe for failure.
As the representatives from CADVA so rightly said, ‘We need to break the silence.’